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WednesdayI APOLOGIZE IF MY COLUMN TODAY IS TOO DEPRESSING OR BLAH!![]() Frank Williams, Poet & Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com Howdy Howdy, it's that time of night where I can't sleep because MS sucks, so I am soaking. I'm actually trying the apple cider vinegar and bath idea. I now smell like a sweet gherkins. I have my nag champa burning smells so good. A few slight flashbacks from the smell good flashbacks. So how is everyone doing? I'm up and I am hoping everyone is doing good, but there has been a lot a weird ass weather. I hope it's not affecting you all, for those who are hurting. I hope you feel better. These pains go away. God I wish the pains would go away for all of us. I've had reactions to every one of them, except for the Copaxone but unfortunately the doctor spent seven years telling me was in my head that was what is wrong with me. Instead of them catching the MSbs while I was still in reoccurring readmitting stage of multiple sclerosis. By time I got that medicine I was already into the progressive secondary all because they assumed I was a guy and it couldn't be multiple sclerosis because i wasn't a female, instead of actually doing a test and see if it wasn't or was multiple sclerosis, so thus im soaking in a vinegar bath seems a lot safer than putting poison in my b....I am changing my diet using vitamins, spices, herbs, homegrown medicine Like I do have one question. The spasms and not electric shocks. Or Those sharp shooting pains. The actual spasms where the hand goes flying to the left or right. If you have a spoon in your hand. It also goes flying across the room, one time I almost got the kid in the head. I had this spoon my arm went bang the spoon went boom in the kid yelled what the heck .........., so here's my question. Why is the sky blue haha.......................................... anybody know any ideas, homeopathic herbs, spices, food, something that could stop the spasms because I am weaning myself off of all the Band-Aids. I've had it. I've had enough of their crap and they're useless medicines. All I'm doing is screwing up my insides. I figure I'll go with the diet, spices and herbs. I just hope Monsanto didn't have anything to do with creating the foods i eat. What a joke that is.. So if anyone has any ideas, suggestions, thoughts, or knowledge of what might help control the spasms, whether it's parking the car on my arms so they don't go flying about anything. I would appreciate any insight you all could offer any clues, because that may be the one pill, I have to keep taking. IF YOU HAVE ANY TIPS PLEASE GO TO THIS FACEBOOK SITE AND TELL STAN...HE WILL GIVE ME YOUR TIPS: https://www.facebook.com/stan.swartz3 I've tried everything I've done other meds, got sick and ended up in the hospital. I've had it. I am done with their damn games. Seriously, if you think the pharmaceutical companies really care about my three dollar deductible hell no... They care more about what the insurance company pays you qualify for the price reduction deductible , because they're still going to get 5000 from the insurance company this month and then write to 200 off as a tax write off..... As I said, I have done all the ms meds. When I see the neurologists this week. Next week, whenever I see Nero the neurologists gonna say that's it no more Band-Aids, whats the game plan, physical therapy. Any exercise ideas. I did this once before when I broke my back. They had been some strong medicine that just got to the point was okay, that's enough. I then proceeded to exist for 17 years until I went into the house fire where the MS really kicked it. Yes I know this isn't like the broken back and when you do the numbers, the MS is going to run out of things to go.hey I don't like you so im going to destroy you, as I said, it's hard to stay positive, which is probably why a lot of my 3 AM in the morning poetry is not as good or enlightening as my poems about nature. The beauty of things, love, friendships, family. I think the 3 am ones are about a release of anger and frustration and honestly, I so tired of hurting 24/7it sucketh mucheth So another sleepless night pondering the many thoughts in my head what to do, what can I do. Is there anything I can do and yet Never lose hope? What hope is there. When you're sitting here alone trying to keep the pain quiet, so don't wake anybody else up........ I am Trying. To stay positive. Sometimes it's hard to keep hope alive, and understandably so ...... I saw the new study. This can be done for people with progressive, which is about time DUH . All the other medicines that they stick down my throat are for reoccurring multiple sclerosis I do know I hate steroids. I still don't know what happened. I had a reaction from the steroids very bad . They had me on the wrong ones. When I was in the hospital. I was in so much pain they had me on so much medicine I wasn't seeing my neurologist because he was never even told hell, he didn't even know I was in and they sent me home on the wrong steroids. I don't like blaming the medicine or the hospital because the words came out of my mouth and that is on me but my neurologist was one pissed off person at the hospital. Sorry to be such a doggie downer. I have a feeling a lot of you to understand what I'm talking about, which helps knowing I'm not alone but also makes me sad because others hurt like this. I can't do nothing to help. I can do nothing to save others. What I wouldn't give to be able to...... this is just how I was brought up. I believe in peace, I believe, love, kindness, compassion, friendship, thats why it hurts when I lose a friend. One never said goodbye. One never answered my last email two very special ones I think they may have forgiven me, but I've never forgiven myself for what happened, and honestly I don't know if I ever can. I don't even know if I could look them in the eye without crying. I hurt a very beautiful friendship with two people I cared very very dearly for, especially Jim. I miss so much that one. he as a friend I dearly loved and his wife So nice kind and helpful to me. I threw it away.by flipping out. What I did. I have no answer. I don't even know what I did. I'd give anything to take all that back and give anything to be able to Take away everybody's pain and suffering. its just the way I am someone who wants to help help others fix things make things better. I can't even do it myself. How can even start to think about doing it for others. God I wish Magic wands were real. Well after reading this, my negative 3 AM poetry dont sound so bad now. I do truly from my heart to yours. Hope everybody's doing good has a good weekend. i know we all get tired of the negative news on TV and more negative news from our doctors negative results from medicine, as our body slowly succumb to this monster again, sorry to be a doggie downer. People can scoff and say whatever no one is like this, well guess what i am i still believe. I do love my friends. I do miss the ones that I've lost. I still love the friends from when I was younger I miss them very much. That's just how I am I actually believe peace could work. Call me an idiot. Call me a fool, but I don't think I'm the only one, even as a young kid in the 60s and early 70s. I got the message. I understood the kids. Dr. King from the whole movement. I understood I was too young, too. But yet I did and I absorbed it. I embraced it, but I still believe, so I guess that's my hope. That's my little Flicker like Jenns painting on my wall a lighthouse in the dark with a beacon shining bright like a guiding star Polaris, the North Star. I hope you all have a very good weekend. I really do to yours, and you all. I wish you happiness, I share the love in my heart help you embrace. Fine peace |